Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Zombies aren't real, so it doesn't count

One question I keep getting is:
“Are you scared?”

I wouldn’t say I’m scared. But that may just be because, word nerd that I am, I feel that ‘scared’ is not quite the right word. ‘Apprehensive’ is a better fit.

I am definitely not looking forward to the brain surgery that I’ll be having to fix my aneurysm – surgery is pretty much a miserable experience every time, and I’m not ignorant of the risk of ruptures, tears, strokes etc. during the procedure itself. Nor am I looking forward to another diagnostic cerebral angiogram ahead of the surgery – the last one was so painful it pulled me out of anesthesia. And most of all, perhaps surprisingly, I am not looking forward to being in a hospital for 3 weeks. I can’t lie down for longer than 10 hours without being in a world of ache and boredom drives me insane.  

But am I scared? No, not really. Since I was teenager, my standard line has been “I’m not scared of anything but Allah.” And that’s the truth – flying cockroaches and recurrent zombie nightmares nothwithstanding. Yes, a zombie could hurt my body, and cockroach could give me awful heebeejeebees, but nothing and no one can hurt me where it matters – which is in my soul – unless I let them. The failures and pains of this life have no bearing on the real life – the afterlife – unless you let them by allowing them to tarnish your faith and practice. In fact, illness and unpleasant surgery could actually get me closer to some good in my next life, by washing sins away and bringing me closer to God.

So I am not scared, because even if the worst case scenarios happen – the surgery goes wrong and I’m disabled or the surgery fails and I die – then if anything, I will hopefully be in a better place, afterlife wise, than before. Inshallah then it is all a win-win. I’ve just got to live up to my claim to be a Muslim and actually happily submit myself, my fears, my health, my hopes and my will – to Allah. Whatever He has planned, it will be for my betterment, Inshallah.

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