Monday, January 13, 2014

The Rupture vs The Rapture vs The Raptor?

This blog wasn't started to be my medical drama diary and I promise, it won't be. But for now, I guess, that is what occupies most of my mind (well, at least, a 9-10mm bubble of it), hence what finds its way to this sad corner of the internet. Bear with me. :)

So my asymptomatic aneurysm is no longer asymptomatic. I now have splitting, nauseating, and mind clouding headaches every day, out of the blue. They come in waves, leaving me dazed, irritable and unable speak very well. Thankfully, a few Panadol gets rid of them eventually. But man do they up the stress ante.

The thing about having an unruptured aneurysm is that it could rupture at any time. I've been told to avoid things like heavy lifting, strenuous activities, and blows to the head. But really, anything could do it. The weakened blood vessel that has bubbled out in my brain is now probably 4 times bigger than it should be, and was never meant to be stretched so thin. Just plain old wear and tear could be enough.

That's why every time my brain starts to twinge, I feel like old Sanford and The Big One (clip below, in case you didn't grow up watching rerun sitcoms from the 1970s).
Then I end up sitting there, very still, waiting for the "worst headache of your life" hallmarks the doctors warned me about in case of rupture, running through the list of what I have to do if it is (1. Call 999. 2. Call husband. 3. Stop driving if driving.). When I find myself still there, alive and just irritated by the tight pain in my head, I then sit there wondering: "What set off the headache? Does this mean the aneurysm is getting bigger? Does that mean I'm going to have to have open-brain surgery?" Fun times.

Was just on the phone with my sister Abez, who'd called to talk me out of my funk and fatigue, and at one point my mumbled complaint about 'waiting for the rupture' sounded like 'waiting for The Rapture.' (Yeah, sorry, having an uber Christian mother gives you all kinds of weird mental triggers) Now THAT is something to be scared of - you know, the biblically foretold end of days where the righteous are called up to heaven and the rest are left behind with James Franco and Jonah Hill. I saw the movie. I do NOT want to be there. I can't STAND James Franco.

You know what else sounds like rupture and rapture? Raptor. COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT.

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